• Shock and numbness, often compared to feeling “in a daze”
• Denial, feeling unable to accept the reality of the loss
• Confusion, feeling confused about your identity or the direction of your life after loss
• Anxiety and panic
• Overwhelming sadnesS
• Exhaustion
• Feeling overwhelmed, whether that be about the magnitude of your grief or about life after loss
•  Anger- towards the person you have lost or the reason for your loss
• Guilt- for example, guilt about being angry, about something you said or did not say, or guilt about not being able to prevent the death of a loved one
• Withdrawal from others or wanting to be constantly surrounded by others
• Physical symptoms such as sleep problems, appetite changes, headaches, stomach aches etc.

Some research has suggested that grief may presented as a cycle of mourning. Whilst some people move sequentially through this cycle, for others these stages are non-linear. Whilst some people experience all of the stages, others experience only some. Overall, the five stages of grief are a useful framework to understand some of the complex emotions associated with loss, however it is important to remember that no two people will experience grief in exactly the same way.

It is common to feel numb within the early stages of bereavement. Whilst we may know that our loved one has died, it can be hard to believe that they are not coming back. It’s common for individuals to instinctively try to call a loved one who has died or to factor their loved one into future plans.

Death can feel cruel and unfair. It is completely natural to feel angry that someone has died before their time, that more couldn’t be done to save them or that you have to live life without someone you love. It’s also common to feel angry towards the person who has died, or angry at ourselves for things we wish we did differently when they were alive.

In times of immense pain, it can be difficult to accept that we are not in control of our situation. Within the bargaining stage, people often want to believe that if they behave in particular ways then we will feel better or the situation will change. It’s also common to find yourself reliving past events and wishing that you could change the past in order for the present to have turned out differently.

Depression is often associated with grief, yet this pain will look different from one person to the next. For some people, depression comes and goes in waves, for others it may manifest as a consistent feeling of pain and sadness. Feelings of depression can be overwhelming- you may feel heavy, confused or even hopeless. Whilst this pain is immensely challenging, with the right support, things can and do get better.

Acceptance is not necessarily about having moved on from grief or loss. Instead, in this stage, we learn to accept our loss and understand what it means for our lives. You may start to notice that there are more good days than bad days. There may still be bad- and that’s okay. Acceptance is the process of allowing ourselves to live again, while keeping the memories of those we’ve lost close to us.

There really is no set timeframe for how long grief lasts. For some people, the first year feels the hardest- with every “first” (birthday, anniversary, Christmas) feeling particularly painful. For others, the first year is spent trying to distract yourself and keep busy, whereas the second year is when reality fully sets in. In longer term grief, you may feel a heaviness that the world keeps moving forward when someone you care deeply for is not there. Remember, no matter how long it has been, your grief is valid and it is real. Whether it’s been a week or a decade, you deserve to save space for your feelings and you deserve support.

Living with grief is not about ceasing the relationship with the person we have lost. Instead, it’s about working out ways to remember and cherish them, carrying memories of our loved ones into our lives going forward. The loss of a loved one will always be felt, but there are a few steps you can take to make dealing with grief a little easier:

• Working through thoughts: In the midst of grief, our thoughts can feel messy and confusing. Sometimes simply putting them on paper can be enough to help us think a little bit more clearly.
• Memories: It’s common in grief to worry that we might forget things about our loved ones or we may lose track of memories together. Keeping a journal can help you to write down the little details of your favourite memories and relive glimmers of happy times spent together.
• Progress: Your journal can help you to see how far you’ve come. You may begin to notice how you’ve adapted better coping strategies or overcoming challenging thought patterns

 When we are in the midst of grief, it can be incredibly challenging to look after even our most basic needs. You may find yourself forgetting to eat, struggling to sleep or finding it hard to get outside. Going from 0 to 100 may feel incredibly overwhelming, instead try to set small and manageable goals to construct a routine that leaves room for you to feel your feelings whilst also ensuring that you’re tending to your basic needs. For example, rather than jumping back into cooking straight away, why not order a few ready meals that will encourage you to eat. Instead of setting the target of daily runs, start by trying to get outside for just five minutes a day. Starting small enables you to minimise overwhelm. As you begin to routinely get used to doing the small things, you can start to think about increasing certain aspects- for example, walking for 10 minutes a day rather than 5 or cooking once a week.

o   Making a memory box of things that remind you of themo   Writing them a letter explaining the emotions you feel after their loss or telling them the things you wish you could say to them.

o   Making a meal that reminds you of them. Perhaps you used to eat spaghetti Bolognese on rainy days with your loved one or maybe they had a particular takeaway order- eating these meals can bring a sense of comfort when you’re missing your loved one.

o   Speak to those who knew them. Your loved one has inevitably touched the lives of so many people- whether that’s friends, family, colleagues or even old school friends. Spending time with those who also loved your loved one can be a beautiful way to honour who they were and the impact they had on those around them.

o   Donate to a charity that was important to them. Perhaps your loved one was passionate about a specific cause, choosing to donate to a charity in their honour is a great way to continue their legacy.

Remember that it’s also okay to ask for professional help and support! Grief can feel lonely and isolating, and often it’s easier to talk to someone we don’t know than someone we do! Visiting your GP can be a helpful first step in gaining support, or you can look into some of the support services below for specialist bereavement support.